On Joe Connelly’s website he says he lives by James Owen’s Cowboy Ethics. These ‘moral guideposts’ allow people like Joe to wrap themselves in make believe. More dangerously, these ethics allow us to reconstruct values that justify the past and ensure that the future remains the same. Contrary to popular opinion, Alberta was not made wealthy because of it’s adherence to cowboy values, but because we just happened to be living under a super profitable black substance that the world is addicted to, but through cowboy ethics we can pretend.

Joe Connelly is a living caricature of phoney cowboy values that mask the brutal reality of our society and ourselves. Connelly portrays himself as living and breathing cowboy ethics. He dresses up as an urban cowboy during Stampede. He acts like he rides horses, brands cows, and kicks shit for a living. In reality he is an out of shape, heavily balding man living in the suburbs, who is addicted to Starbucks coffee. He likes his coffee tall with whip cream and chocolate sprinkles, preferably in a throw away cup.

Here are James Owen’s Cowboy Ethics and how Connelly lives them.

1. Live each day with courage. Real courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.

Each day Connelly wrestles his way into his luxury SUV from his heated garage. From there he steers his way through traffic to work for the people. He has no patience for slow little Echo’s and Smart Car’s, get the hell out of his way will you! He courageously stands up for what people have been told in ad nauseum to believe. Joe pretends that he is taking a stand against Goliath, when he is in fact defending him. He is the US Stealth Bomber against the Afghan farmer kind of tough.

2. Take pride in your work. Cowboying doesn’t build character, it reveals it.

Joe loves schmoozing with money. This is what it is all about – being a hired gun. Connelly is another politician for sale. Don’t think or rock the boat, just do what you are told, like a good ranch hand. Espousing the gospel of the free market, cowboys are always the first ones (along with farmers and businessmen) to ask for subsidies when the market goes south. Yet they look down upon hand outs. Quite revealing.

3. Always finish what you start. When you’re riding through hell, keep riding.

Connelly is on council to pretend to keep a rein on spending to keep your taxes low. Just don’t look at his voting record. Just nod your head. He votes to ensure his donours continue to be subsidized and continue to be allowed to externalize their costs onto others. Selling yourself out gets you in hell, but if he keeps riding, hopefully he can buy his way out eventually. Unfortunately Joe confuses God with Money. His motto is once you start lying to yourself, don’t stop. Eventually you will convince yourself and those around you.

4. Do what has to be done. The true test of a man’s honour was how much he would risk to keep it intact.

Joe is a cowboy who, like many of us, sells out to the highest bidder. Connelly can often be seen giving winks to his masters at the back of the City Council audience. He is like business, pretending to take high risks, when in fact business takes minimal risk by offsetting it onto others as much as possible. Let the taxpayers pay for the big risks of others. Joe's motto is to pretend you are betting the farm when in reality it is just a farmer’s bet.

5. Be tough but fair. The golden rule was nothing less than the key to survival.

In the world of cowboy ethics, keeping poor people poor, continuing unsustainable suburban sprawl, and proudly burning fossil fuels is just tough love for lazy people and mother earth. Hey if you fuck people over because you would expect the same from them, then it is all good. It is all golden.

6. When you make a promise, keep it. A man is only as good as his word.

Joe doesn’t have to sign a contract to do what is best for suburban developers. He is a big man of his word. Wink wink.

7. Ride for the brand. The cowboy’s greatest devotion was to his calling and his way of life.

Hey being a slob and sleazy is just him. Lay off will ya, he is the biggest Flames fan on council.

8. Talk less and say more. When there’s nothing more to say, don’t be saying it.

Well, lets just say that Joe is still working on this one.

9. Remember that some things aren’t for sale. To the cowboy, the best things in life aren’t “things”.

His house is filled with things, but that’s not important. Raising money from suburban developers right before city council was deciding whether to rein in suburban sprawl was just one of those things for sale. Anything that Connelly stands for as Alderman is definitely for sale, but he does draw the line on a few things. Connelly probably wouldn’t sell his wife and kids or his autographed 2008 Stampeder football.

10. Know where to draw the line. There’s right and there’s wrong, and there’s nothing in between.

Cowboys living on pretty much free land, stolen from Natives, isn’t wrong. Being an Alderman who is for sale isn’t wrong either, it is just business, or as they say now - cowboy ethics.

Anyway, I encourage you to go tell Joe what you think of him.